The Gifts Of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

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Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: “Who has earned the right to hear my story?” Not due to any fault on Brown's part, but simply because I do not need or want self-help books. She seems to be focusing on a reader that is obsessed with her own flaws or who is a perfectionist and self-hater. I am none of these things. While I know that I cannot completely rid myself of my condition I do know that I can control how I feel about it and how I treat myself in regards to it with the help of your work. I will continue to spread your work through the Dermatillomania community in hopes that your teachings will spread faster than the negative ones that currently occupy that space and help sufferers live more Wholehearted lives. The heart of compassion is really acceptance. The better we are at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become. Well, it’s difficult to accept people when they are hurting us or taking advantage of us or walking all over us. This research has taught me that if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior." I read this book after watching Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work. The talk was intriguing and I wanted to know more. Also, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative. I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments.

I loved the humor interlacing with facts that makes the information easy to follow, relate, and agreeable. Though, be ready for some scratchy but friendly honesties that might poke your pride. A Chinese idiom goes, “A good medicine tastes bitter,” which I think best describes this book. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Through the research, Brown found ten common factors among the people who were living a “wholehearted” life (listed below). Each guidepost has a dig deep section. According to Brown, “dig-deep button is a secret level of pushing through when we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and when there’s too much to do and too little time for self-care.” Brown found that the Wholehearted people dig deep differently – they get deliberate, inspired, and going. Brown does great job of explaining concepts, ideas, and research process, it all makes sense to me. What I really appreciate about the way she presents her work is it’s easy to grasp, understand, and applicable to real life. She’s also a great storyteller, combing research with her personal stories with honesty, candor, and warmth. She doesn’t just tell you what to do, but rather connect with you. I get that not everyone may like her approach, research, and work, but there’s so much to learn from her, and I find what she’s doing incredible important. And just bringing awareness and shining light on the difficult topics, we can start to have conversation, open up, and let go of some of the heavy burden of hiding ourselves. This book is a great start, and I hope she continues to do important researches and write books to help many people. I highly recommend this book. I believe there's something beneficial for everyone. I was't crazy with the style of the chapters and the 'jargon/lingo'. For example, the author repeats herself ...over and over that when people are overwhelmed they should dig deep: DIG...(deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions; be inspired to make new and different choices, and GET GOING!). ...It was a section about "boundaries and compassion ". The author claims that a barrier to compassion is the fear of setting boundaries..... And holding people accountable. SO POWERFUL!!! ----> “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy – the experiences that makes us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of light." Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It's going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.

Even though her books and lectures have helped me tremendously, I (like Dr. Brown herself) question the shelving of them as "self help." She's a researcher sharing her findings on shame and wholehearted living in a way that make them easily applicable to everyday life.

Brené’s TED talk on the Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with over 60 million views. Brené is the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix, and in March 2022, she launched a new show on HBO Max that focuses on her latest book, Atlas of the Heart.

This book is clearly in the cheerleading category of self-help, rather than the psychotherapeutic. If you want some mild encouragement and some cute quotes to put on your fridge door, maybe this is for you. If you are struggling with darker issues, you probably won't find answers here. Courage is like—it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.” The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It's our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.” the main message here is: Let go of your insecurities,expectations, shame, guilt, discomfort. Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy, they are the ones who think of themselves as worthy of love. you're IMPERFECT Embrace it.

And it dawned on me that maybe we all feel like this to an extent. And yet, I watch others and I am sure, absolutely sure, that they know something about living that I don't. And maybe they do...maybe they've figured out the secret that it's okay to be imperfect. But maybe they haven't. One. Gifts of Imperfection offers hope. The hope of a little respite from the harsh, perfectionistic voice in your head that criticizes not only you but every living soul in your purview, and that seeks, simultaneously, to raise you above those whom you’re castigating and criticizing, including your very own self (which, when you consider it, is weird). That’s the first thing. And it's a good thing. Two stars for that, I say. There's a lot of good stuff in here. While she notes that many of her own issues come out of a 'perfectionist' approach to life, I think the concepts of shame, compassion, and vulnerability are ones we should all be able to relate to, as well as deep ideas of authenticity and life meaning. I also appreciate that Brown is also very open about her own mental/spiritual health work and doesn't take a top-down didactic approach.

Guidepost #10: Cultivating Laughter, Songs, and Dance – Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control” I had to mark this as read to get if off my list. Actually I had to abort the read. Just could not relate to a word of it at all. I feel like this author is speaking a different language. I have a hard time believing anybody really CARES that much about what others think about them. It's amazing to me. A Whole book telling you it's OK if you're not who someone wants you to be?? I feel like saying "Get a life!" I've just about finished your book "The Gifts of Imperfection" which I discovered after watching you speak on TED talks and I can honestly say that this book is helping me completely change my life. True. Talking about what makes you a 'shameful person' really frees you and often helps you see that you are not alone. Overall... This book wasn't awful...( of course not), yet... I didn't feel moved or inspired or transformed. 'Maybe'.... A little more validated on the ways I already live my life...(so this is not a bad thing).

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The second reason that I am struggling here is that I haven't done anything with what I have learned. I have now read two books by Brown; she has pointed out some things I need to be doing for myself and I am resisting following her lead. I know that being more shame resilient and paying attention to the person I am will be difficult and I just don't want to face the difficulties. Exactly what the hell am I supposed to do with that? Repeat this as a mantra multiple times a day until I've collapsed under the weight of its insipidness, and give in to Brown's Christian God (or her Abstinence and Twelve Steps)? Oh yeah, did you know that the researcher who's professing a release from the addiction of vulnerability is a twelve steps addict? AA doesn't get its power from releasing you from addiction - it just substitutes one addiction for another, and makes sure you don't have agency until you give up your agency and let some variation of 'God' own you. Knowledge is important, but only if we’re being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are. Wholeheartedness is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power." Brené spends most of her time working in organizations around the world, helping develop braver leaders and more courageous cultures. So.., now, with tons of time on my hands to read..(home in my Pink leg cast)... I said to myself....