The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life

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As Britain’s population grows gradually older, more and more of us revel in being miserable old gits. If anyone had reason to be glum it was Michael. After all, the Allonby Tea Rooms owner was the only member of the club working. thus sharing is a two way process of giving and taking equally - if you cannot see that, you do not belong here)

Hundreds of pounds has been raised and donated to good causes including Cancer Research and Great North Air Ambulance. I keep fit. Every morning, I do a hundred laps of an Olympic-sized swimming pool – in a small motor launch.” You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”I would not want it to be thought that I had lived for all these years without having anything to show for it.” There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?” Mainly, words fail me! It’s really nice having a community thing for the blokes. There’s not much for men out here that doesn’t involve the pub. We’ve got people who have been in a lot of different jobs and situations. They’ll all got good stories to tell.” There’s no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age – 80 seems about right – when you’re expected to manifest querulousness – the coffee’s too hot, the boiled egg’s too soft …”

The club has several days out a year. “It has to be somewhere where there’s a pub,” pointed out George. It’s a good idea to obey all the rules when you’re young just so you’ll have the strength to break them when you’re old.” But in some ways, I’m like an old woman – lived it, seen it, done it, been there, have the T-shirt.” As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two …”

Multibuys

They like being grumpy, but it seems you can take these things too far. Politics and religion are not encouraged as topics of conversation.